Dreamin' Out Loud

My Thanks-giving

Ivan — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 04:47:57 +0000

The holiday season is upon us once again. As I reflect on 2011, I can’t help but struggle with naming things that I can be thankful for. I guess I can be thankful that my family is healthy and well (for the most part), that I’m finally employed (by a Fortune 100 company nonetheless), and that I graduated from college. I mean those are big things and are important to me, but for some odd reason I just feel that thankful. Maybe I’m taking everything for granted. At the same time, there are just parts of my life that I wish would just get better. But I guess that goes without saying for everyone. Nobody’s life is perfect, there’s always something that can improved. But a smart person would be satisfied with what they have and realize that life is a lot easier when they count the little victories that they get everyday.

On another note, I do have something else to be thankful for. I recently got reacquainted with an old friend (and by ‘old’, I mean we kind of lost touch since college). Ever since high school, we drifted apart to say the least. She’s been busy with school and work and I guess I can say the same. I mean did I not have the opportunity to try and catch up with her sooner? I guess not, but at the same time there were just factors that didn’t allow me to do that and I hope she understands. Anyway, back to the present. We recently got reacquainted since I’m back living and working in the city. We met up with some old friends for happy hour a few times and it was just nice to catch up, not just with her but with everyone. Nevertheless I’m glad that I got to see more of her lately. I’ve really missed her because we were really close friends and she was a big part of my high school years. I always felt like she was one of the few people who really got me and understood my personality. Talking and joking around with her just came easy. Now she has a terrific job (even though she does have her grievances with it at times, but then again who doesn’t with their jobs?), is in a wonderful relationship, and about to take her GMAT and go to grad school. Needless to say I’m happy for her success and I’m proud of the person she’s become. I’ll be honest; at first I was a little intimidated to get reacquainted to her once more because now that we’ve gotten older, I thought she’d more too mature for me to talk and joke around like we used to. Luckily she isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, she can be mature and responsible and independent when she has to be. But when it came to just having casual conversation about anything and everything, it felt like we were back in high school again. I really hope that we won’t have another fallout. All in all, I’m glad I’ve gotten back closer to one of my best friends, and I guess that is something I can truly be thankful about.

My tolerance

Ivan — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 15:13:20 +0000

OK this is getting ridiculous. I’ve had enough of all the bitching and complaining going on in society today about money. Don’t get me wrong, money is very important aspect in the world. But there are more important things out there that people are not paying attention to. A few weeks ago, a little girl in China was killed after hitting hit and run over by not one, but two vans. This happened while a total of 18 pedestrians walked by the girl in distress without so much as a glance. Types of injustices like that is going on in the world and yet here in the US, money has been the topic of discussion for the past months, at least in my world. I recently got a job working for American Express in lower Manhattan right by the WTC site, right by Wall Street, and right by the Occupy Wall Street protests. As the beginning of November approaches, I am reminded the NBA is still in lockout and commissioner David Stern has just canceled the first month of games due to failure to negotiate with the players union. These two topics are what’s upsetting me nowadays and here’s why:

First let’s talk about the NBA because technically the lockout came first. The dispute right now between the players union and the association is about money. Owners and the officials want to take money away from the players and players don’t want to have their money taken away. The NBA is saying that they have been losing money and the only way to salvage that loss is by cutting salary of the players. Players are unwilling to have their salary cut because they feel that they are the ones on the court everyday busting their asses playing ball and getting hurt. But here’s what I think. Players are getting paid to PLAY. TO PLAY! Starting tomorrow, I’m paying $150 to play 8 games of 40 minutes each and I don’t even know how much playing time I’m going to get. Yes NBA players get hurt, they train hard, etc etc. But hey, if I were getting paid six or seven or some even eight figures to train and play ball, I’d be pretty happy. Heck, I do it for free if I was given the facilities. Heck, I pay to do that. And yet, players are making it sound like they can’t make ends meet. That after they retire, how are they going to make money because they’re going to retire a lot earlier than normal people do. Bullshit. Nobody’s telling you to make six cars, three houses, 50 pairs of Jordans, and have three wives and ten kids. If you’re so worried about the future, put some money aside like the rest of normal people do. Don’t splurge on so much unnecessary garbage. Sure you’re a celebrity so you gotta look good and live large, I get that. But c’mon…I’m betting that there are at least 30-40% of NBA players who could’ve cut back their spendings by just lets say 30% if unnecessary products were taken out. On the other hand, the league is losing money? OK, sure the popularity and lets face it, the quality of the league has gone down over the years. Hence less fans are watching. But I’m guessing the NBA is far from bankruptcy and far from financial troubles. Who told you to offer seven and eight figure salaries in the first place? Athletes are not above the law. Celebrities are not above the law. Sure they have a talent that us normal everyday people do not have. But at the end of the day, we’re all still people and greed is always going to be a vital sin to society. It’s human nature unfortunately to want more, to try and push your luck to see what’s the most you can get out of a situation. In the end, either yourself or someone else always suffers.

Now on the OWS – I can’t even think of a word to describe the situation. Ridiculous, outrageous, stupid, idiotic – some words that come to mind but not strong enough. They’re disorganized, barbaric, and ignorant. Half the people have no idea what they’re protesting about and haven’t gotten all the facts correctly before raising their voices and picket signs. The outlying protest here is that the rich 1% of society have substantially more money than the other 99% and they don’t get taxed enough. That they don’t deserve to be way up there while the rest of us mortals are suffering on the bottom. But here’s the thing that they don’t think about, where would society be without that top percent. They didn’t get there for nothing. Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, Donald Trump – they got to where they are today throughout intelligence, smart business tactics, and gut. Mark Zuckerberg should be the prime example used to combat the protests. Here’s an individual who went to Harvard, had a great idea, used his intelligence, and dropped out but got rich off a brilliant idea, Facebook. He revolutionized social media and its usages today. OWS would not get the attention its received without Mark Zuckerburg. And yet, they’re complaining about these geniuses’ taxes not being high enough and that they’re not hiring enough to give everyone else a chance. But look at what you’ve been doing for the past two months. You’ve been sitting in the streets of lower Manhattan (and other states as well) and yelling and raising signs and causing havoc. All this time could’ve been used to find a job and maybe try to get into that 1% group. I look at my life and I can’t help but hate the protesting going on. I grew up in an average environment. I went to average schools, got average grades, and led an average life. I have nothing to be especially proud about in regards to my upbringing, never won awards and received honors. And look at where I am today: I’m a 22 year old recent college grad with a Marketing Analyst job at American Express, one of the top companies in the world. And how did I get to where I am today, but with hard work and determination? There is zero chance that all the people at OWS have worse and more unfortunate upbringings that I do. And yet, they’re complaining that they don’t receive the equal treatments? Complete bull. And on top of that, they’re extremely disorganized. Different people with different agendas protesting different things. I’ve always said “I don’t have to agree with you but if you make solid points and arguments, I respect your passion.” But not them. If they put on an organized protests with clear objectives, then at least I would admire and respect them for their passion and determination. But they aren’t doing that right now. Soon the weather in NY is going to turn cold and snowy. People are going to start leaving the protests, some going back to their home STATES. Then what’s going to happen? Let’s put this thing on hiatus and wait for next summer? Good luck with that.

My future

Ivan — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 02:26:47 +0000

I sat in front of my interviewer the other day. She graduated from NYU three years ago. She has a B.S. Degree in International Relations and French. She is currently earning her masters from NYU Stern. And there I was, sitting across from her with a B.S. Degree in Business Management from Stony Brook University, known for its science and engineering programs. I have held two internship experiences in the past, both of which were at school. As of now, I have no plans of going to graduate school. And yet, there I was 0n the 31st floor of the Third World Financial building interviewing with a Fortune 500 company with someone who is more qualified than me in almost every aspect (I forgot to mention she also played tennis for NYU) for the same title she currently holds. Needless to say, I felt intimidated. And then she asked me “So what do you want to do in the future?” The answer came quick to me. I had prepared the perfect answer in my head. “I would like to sharpen my skills in marketing and advertising. After a few years, I hope to earn an MBA in marketing and acquire a project manager or copywriter position. My goal would be to take charge of marketing campaigns that will spread a message to the masses. Billboards, television, radio, internet – I want to be able to control every aspect of a campaign and spread awareness in a creative, informative, and entertaining manner. I want to be able to drive by a billboard or turn on the TV and say ‘I made that happen.’” She said it was a nice answer and smiled. I breathed a little easier. I felt it was a good answer too. But is it going to happen?

I changed a lot from when I was a teenager. Looking back, I was a very naive person. I used to dream big. I used to plan out my life for years to come. Needless to say, many of my predictions did not come become reality. Things changed along the way and I improvised to make my life fit these changes. And now, I know better. I know I shouldn’t plan so far ahead anymore. I know it’s a bit demoralizing and definitely not a message to put in an afterschool special, but dreaming big and planning ahead for the long run is stupid. There’s really no other word for it. What about the kids who hope to grow up as pro athletes or President or movie stars, shouldn’t they be told to dream big and work hard to make their dreams come true? Sure, it’s easy to tell them that. It’s easy to say “hey you know you can be anything you want to be as long as you work hard at it.” But how often does life happen according to plan? In this world of billions of people, how many can honestly say that the life they lead now at this very second is the one they hope to be living when they were kids? Many people say that you should still at least try. “If you miss the moon, then at least you land among the stars.” But is that a good thing? If I aimed for the moon, what good is landing on a star?

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have goals or dreams. The human race would never accomplish anything without goals and dreams. What I’m saying is at some point, we have to be realistic and realize dreams and goals are different things. Dreams aren’t real. Dreams are imagined, made up, fantasized. Goals are achievements, they’re possible. It was a dream of mine when I was a kid to play pro basketball. Now it’s a goal of mine to just play regularly with friends and hopefully I don’t get banged up too bad to go on interviews with a multimillion-dollar corporation. Life is all about changes and adaptation. Survival of the fittest and working hard to be make yourself happy. Making plans too far ahead will only diminish the happiness that you should be feeling. When things don’t work out the way they’re supposed to, feelings get hurt. If you set your expectations too high, the chance of disappointment will be higher if you fail. Then why try at all? It comes down to worth. “Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy.”

My misses

Ivan — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 06:44:31 +0000

When I’m at home, I have a routine at night. From 11:30 – 12:30, I would watch reruns of The Simpsons. After that I’d go to bed, not to sleep but to read. I read for an hour or so (or however long it takes me to feel my eyes dropping and finally admit defeat and go to sleep). Every so often, I would check my phone for emails, Facebook updates, Reddit posts, etc. Tonight was no different. The one thing different is what I’m doing now–blogging after I’ve read my share of the 7th book of Harry Potter (for the second time). I felt the urge to write this entry because of a friend of mine. He updated his status a couple of hours ago saying that maybe he doesn’t miss Stony Brook as much as he thought and that finally, he was moving on. This is quite the opposite of my own personal feelings. You see I still miss Stony Brook a lot. I miss the campus, the dorms, the lecture halls, the basketball courts, the food, and most of all, the people. I’ve missed it all summer long but tomorrow will mark the first September in four years when I will not be returning. Many of my younger friends have already returned and it has given me a great sense of envy. I urge them to cherish these precious moments for sooner than they know, they will be gone. But that’s besides the point of this entry. I commented on my friend’s post saying that missing something and moving on in my opinion, are two different things. His replies lead me to believe that he thinks that moving on would ultimately push the “missing” emotion of out one’s head as if the two were interchangeable. I’m not sure if that’s exactly what he believes but that is how I interpreted his responses. If that is in fact his beliefs, then I disagree.

You see, I believe that they are two different things – missing something and moving on from it. I commented: “missing something is admitting that it was a great part of you and you cherish it a lot. Whereas moving on is admitting that you can’t have it back but you’re willing to try and fill that void with something else, even though it will never be truly replaced”. Lately, I’ve been feeling like “moving on” is starting to become a theme in my life. I’ve been told that I have to start and move on from a lot of things, things I can never fully experience again or get back, things that I miss dearly. But I’ve been reluctant. I’ve been procrastinating and I’ve been unwilling. Deep down I know that it is mostly my fault and only I can help myself dig out of this hole. But I don’t think I’m ready yet. I see myself as a fairly mature person when I have to be, but not this time. I’ve been constantly pushing back something that I know is inevitable all because I’m a coward. I’m afraid to know what the future may bring. I’m afraid to lose my glimpse of hope that one day, everything will be OK and that even though I can’t get back what I’ve already lost, what the future brings will be better than anything I’ve experienced in the past. I refuse to believe that. I try to tell myself to, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. And somehow, I’m OK with that. Is it healthy? No. But it works for me in a weird way.

You see, I think on some level we all do it. We all hold on to something from the past because we want to cherish some sort of memory. No matter how brave we are, we all experience times when we are scared to lose sight of who we used to be or where we come from. Times change and people change, that’s just the way it works and I accept that. But I think that at some point in our lives, we’re going to feel happiest and most accomplished. And at that point, we’re going to hope we never change. But of course, we do – that’s just the way the world works. And all we can do is try to preserve something that’ll remind us in the future of what it use to be like in the past, something that’ll make us miss what we had and might never be able to get back. Afterall, that’s what yearbooks are for. That’s what pictures are for. That’s what hand-written letters and dollar-hearts, and post-it notes are for. That’s what this and other blogs are for! They are for reminding us of our pasts, both good times and bad. Because I truly believe that it is perfectly fine for us to miss our pasts because they make us who we are today. How we choose to preserve and “move on” from them will make us who we are for the rest of our lives.

My worries

Ivan — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 04:54:54 +0000

Right now there’s a storm brewing outside. The rain is getting harder and so is the wind. We are in the middle of Hurricane Irene in this last weekend of August 2011. It is the first hurricane NY has seen in decades. The northeast of the country has been preparing for weeks for this storm, but ultimately there is just so much people can do when faced with natural disasters. States that has experienced the wrath of Irene has been pummeled so far: Virginia, North Carolina, New Jersey, and so on. New York is next. The next 12- 14 hours are supposed to be the worst time frame for us here in the metropolitan area. Those in areas close to water (Zone A) has already evacuated to shelters less likely to be damaged by the storm. Luckily I am in Zone C, the area that still has a chance to be affected but a very small chance. It is only an evacuation zone if the hurricane is categorized as category 3 or 4. Fortunately and hopefully it stays that way, Irene is only a category 1 – 2. Right now, I worry about a couple of things. First I worry that the power will go out. I’m hoping it wouldn’t because I do not want to relive the blackout again. No internet, no TV, no video games. The horror. Secondly, I worry about potential flooding in my basement and in the room that leads to the backyard of my house. We have taken the necessary precautions, I just hope they’re enough. Third, I worry about the huge tree across the street from my house. As I type this entry, the branches are swinging to the rhythm of the wind which seems to be picking up speed. I hope this old timer has enough in it to keep it together and not lose a limb or worse, topple over on a house or a car, specifically my car and or house. Fourth, I’m worried about my windows. I really hope they can withstand the wind that’s going to be jabbing at them at up to 80mph. Hopefully that figure is exaggerated, but if it’s not then I hope my windows are strong enough. Last but not least, I worry about you. In fact, you might be my biggest worry. People told me that you can take care of yourself and I shouldn’t have to worry. Besides even if I do worry, there’s nothing I can do to help you. I guess that last part is truer than everything else. But still, I can’t help but.

Long Island is supposed to get hit harder than NYC. And yet, you worked today. I know, if it was up to you you’d wouldn’t want to get stuck in this weather either. But nevertheless, how I wish I were there. If I were there, I can try talking you out of it. Which on second thought, is a task I would probably end up failing at. But the alternative is this: if I were there, then I can at least drop you off and pick you up at work like I used to. How I wish I can do that today. I can’t help but picture you out there in the dark by yourself, fighting the wind and rain to get back from work. I know I’m probably exaggerating the reality in my own head, and yet there’s no other image in my mind. The worst part is I can’t even make sure you’re OK on your own. I wish I can hear your voice and hear you tell me that you were fine. I know you probably are, but hearing it would be the ultimate reassurance. But I guess that’s not going to happen tonight. I kn0w right now you’re not back in your room. All I can hope for is that you’re somewhere warm, dry, and safe with friends that will take care of you and make sure you’re alright. If the storm is too treacherous, please stay indoors. Stay at a friend’s place for the night. But don’t try to venture out there on your own. Maybe somehow this message will reach you. Hopefully, someone near you share my same sentiments and will advise you to do the same. How I wish I was with you now. I miss protecting you and sheltering you from the wind and rain and anything else bad. I miss being needed. I miss you. Be safe. Take care of yourself. I wish for nothing more but your safety and happiness. When this storm is over, another will be breeding inside of me I know for tomorrow is another day that’s going to haunt me. But that’s another day’s problem. For now, I worry about you the most. Please be OK.

My 22nd birthday

Ivan — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 04:15:43 +0000

As my 22nd birthday approaches, I do not feel excited or happy. Birthdays has been nothing more than another day to me for awhile now. The older you get, the more time you wish you had. The slower you wish your birthday would come. Seems like just yesterday that I turned 18 and can buy lotto tickets. Then it wasn’t too long ago until everyone was excited about turning 21 to legally drink. Well, I’ve done both. Not that either one really changes the type of person I am but the habits I choose to engage myself in, but nevertheless they were milestones that I already reached. So this year…I guess this year it means even less.

I guess it really comes down to who you spend it with. When you’re with the people you love, then any day can be a great day. But I guess this year, it really doesn’t matter who I spend it with because I won’t be able to spend it with the person I want to the most. My friends threw me and Brian a birthday shindig today. It was nice of them and I really appreciated everything they did. But at the same time, it’s just not the same. Knowing that the person whom I want to spend my birthday with most isn’t going to be spending it with me, it hurts a lot. It hurts so much that at times, I couldn’t really enjoy today and I know when it’s the actual day of my birthday, I won’t feel any better. In fact, I’ll probably feel worse.

The last week or so has just been especially hard. I’ve came down with a cold and horrible cough. I don’t get sick very often, so when it do it really sucks. But in the last year or so, I’ve been comforted, taken care of. On top of that, I have an interview coming up on Tuesday when I hope this cold will go away for good. But right now, I feel like I’m alone. I wish you were here to tell me I’m going to be OK, that I’ll do fine on my interview. But you’re not. And part of me understands why. You have your reasons and you’re going to need some time and space to figure things out. And yet, a huge part of me still doesn’t know how we got in this mess. But I guess its useless to think about it. I can only wish and this birthday I only have one wish, and that’s for you to be back by my side. But I don’t even know if it’ll come true. Ever. I can only hope…

My glimpse of hope

Ivan — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 04:42:13 +0000

Sometimes I feel like all a person has left is hope. There’s just too many times in a person’s life when he or she feel like they just can’t rely on everything else. I always say that the most we can do is try. If we try out very best, then the rest is out of our hands and whatever happens happens. Recently, I’m constantly reminding myself of that. Whether its in a professional aspect or a personal aspect, I find myself falling back on those words time after time. But hope can be a dangerous thing. Hope can give a person a false sense of security, a false sense of happiness. People who often hope are often referred to as optimists. Others call them dreamers, because in the end that could very well be all there ever was, a dream. Right now, I have hope in my heart. I’m hoping each and everyday that things will work out for the best. I’ll be honest, there’s been many times especially this summer when I’ve felt like I lost everything including hope. It felt as if I hit rock bottom. But somehow I tell myself to keep my head up and keep going. It hasn’t been easy, not at all. But somehow I’ve found a way to do so. Right now, I’m still scared. I’m terrified. But at the same time, I’m hopeful. But again when all a person has is hope, that’s when they’re most vulnerable. I understand my mistakes now. Please give me a chance to correct to them. Please.

My mixed up emotions

Ivan — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 03:32:57 +0000

Its been awhile since I wrote a post. And I think part of the reason is because I really had nothing to write about. Life was just life. I was happy. OK maybe not happy, but at least I was content. Everything was going smooth and OK to say the least. And then this summer everything went sour. I feel like there’s no healthy outlet except maybe through words. To be honest, I never planned on writing this post. I was in the shower literally 5 minutes ago and for some reason I just started to feel angry. Angry at everything. Every aspect of my life this summer has been completely abysmal. Am I exaggerating? Perhaps. Am I throwing myself a pity party? Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. At this point, that’s the only word I can use to describe my life: abysmal. And right now, all I can do is blame one person. I probably shouldn’t blame this person. In fact, I know I shouldn’t. And this is why.

You have no right to do what you did. How dare you interrupt something that is going well? Was it perfect? No, it wasn’t. But it never is. Yet, it still doesn’t give you the right to mess it up. I know I know, you probably don’t think you did any direct damage. Or maybe you do. Maybe you know that you are doing damage, but just under the everyones’ radar. Manipulating and plotting so that it doesn’t seem like you’re a cause to the effect. But you know what, you are. And at this moment, I hate you for it. I really hate you. Hate is an extremely strong word and I usually don’t use it to describe people that I am not fond of. At most, its “dislike” or “can’t deal with”. But Hate. You’re one in a million, I’ll tell you that much. I mean c’mon. If you didn’t know that you’d be doing damage, then you’re retarded. I’m sorry, but that’s honestly how I feel. You’re freaking retarded if you thought to yourself: “my actions will have no negative repercussions so what the hell do I have to lose?” On the other hand, maybe you knew it was going to mess everything up. It doesn’t make it any better. But jesus christ, do I hope that’s your plan. At least that way, you’re not an evil stupid idiot. You’re just evil. And honestly, I don’t know which one I rather you’d be. Doesn’t matter I guess, doesn’t make me feel any better.

But here’s the kicker. Here’s the underlining. The reason I hate you and yet still kind of respect you at the same time, and for the love of god I hate myself for the latter (see what you’re doing? Not only do I have to hate you, but I have to hate myself too). You went out there and did what you thought was right, what would make you happy. Did you care it would mess things up? No. But that doesn’t matter to you. Why should it? Where in the handbook of life or the Constitution or any documentation of law does it say “You must consider the emotions and well-being of others before you act”? No-freaking-where! So you went and did your little thing because it made you happy. The results have no negative repercussions towards you whatsoever. No no no no no. The person it fucks up? ME. But you don’t care about that do you? Why should you.

With that said, that’s why I have a tiny ounce of respect for you nonetheless. You did what I never in my life had ever had the courage of doing. You did what your gut wanted, what it told you to do. Me? No, I act based on what my heart says and my brain says and my conscience says. Sometimes that means not acting at all and letting my chance for happiness slip away because it may mean the unhappiness of others. Well I’m sick of it. I’m tired of being that guy. I’m not trying to make myself sound like a saint. For those who know me, you know I’m no saint. But honestly, I am sick and tired of thinking rather than doing. I’m tired of evaluating again and again who my actions are going affect and how. Maybe for once in my life, I do what I want. I do what I want to do regardless of how other people feel and say. Maybe for once in this piece of shit that I call a life, I can be selfish and do what makes me happy.

But you know what the shitty part is? Its even though I can say all this stuff on my mind and write it all out, true as each word can be, I know that when that opportunity arises for me to do what I want, I’m not going to. I’m going to let a little something call morals and ethics slip in and destroy all that. I’m going to let the opinions of my friends and family destroy all that. And then I’m going to hate myself for it. More than I hate this person who I’m writing to. Frankly, I’m so tired of this journey called life. I want to skip to the end already. I want to know how this story ends because quite honestly, I’m a little sick of it. Most people write the stories of their lives. I let others write it for me, and I’m just the idiot reading it wishing that I can tear up page after page out of this tragedy I call my life. So there. I hope you have a great rest of your life. I hope I will never see you again. Because when I do, I know that even though all I want to do is yell at you I’ll probably end up smiling politely and ask you “how you’re doing”. And that’ll just make me hate myself even more.

My there’s-not-really-point-but-I-was-bored-and-decided-to-post-something-post

Ivan — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 16:52:49 +0000

So…obviously that 30-Days Challenged thing failed, like my oh so many attempts to keep up with this blog. Which is funny because I stopped during this past winter break in which I was incredibly bored with all the snow that had imprisoned me inside my house. I guess I just lost interest again in blogging. I guess its sort of like cravings, it comes and goes. Anyway, I was bored so I decided to check up on this thing and write up a post. Like the title implies, there’s not really a point — its just a lot of thoughts that been going through my head these days and I figured I should probably write them down somewhere so that one day when I’m old and senile, I can look back and be like “Wow I had that many thoughts in one time?”
So first things first – It’s March 11th already. It truly is incredible. In a little over two months, I’ll be graduating from Stony Brook and so ends the chapter of my academic career. It’s mind-boggling really to think that my education, an institution in which I was apart of for the majority of my life is coming to an end. Sure there’s always grad school and stuff like that, but its just not the same concept. Right now, I am so scared of graduating. The thought of working everyday at the same job with no winter/summer vacation for like months is a bit terrifying. I just hope when the time comes I’ll be ready. But I know better than to be worried too much about it. Carpe diem, put as little trust into tomorrow so that we may live today to the fullest. I actually had a lot in my head before I started writing but now I’m out of stuff to say. Until next time then (whenever that is)

30-Day Challenge: Day 5 – Your Dreams

Ivan — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 04:47:43 +0000

I’ve had a lot of you in the past. For the most part you’ve been consistent. But you’re a lot like cars. The younger a person is, the wilder they want it. Money doesn’t matter; neither does safety features or benefits. What matters is how much fun I’ll have. But as a person grows older they realize it’s not just about fun. Everything starts getting real. Maybe I need something that’s more than just fast; safe, reliable, consistent, benefits more than just me. When I was younger, I felt like you can be just about anything—a firemen, a police officer, an FBI agent, a video-tester, NBA star, etc. Then you started change – lawyer, doctor, teacher. Soon you were gone. Right now, I’m left with not a dream but a goal. I know what I want to do with my life. I don’t how long it’ll take me to get there. Maybe I’ll get lucky and catch a break right out of college. Maybe (hopefully not), I’ll do something completely different that I hate for awhile before I get where I want to be. But don’t get me wrong, I still think of you every once in awhile. I think about what you used to be when I was a kid, when I was teenager, and I think about how much you’ve changed over the years. Right now, you’re something completely different. You look like a simple happy family with no troubles and worries. Yeah, that’s all.

On the other hand, if we’re talking the other dreams that visit me when I sleep – I just wish I can remember you more.